Those Jokes You Just Can't Help Laughing At

Why did the boy fall off his bicycle?
Cos someone threw a fridge at him.

What’s pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.

What’s blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.

What’s red and fluffy?
Pink fluff that’s sun burnt.

What’s grey and fluffy?
Old pink fluff.

Whats green and fluffy?
Radioactive pink fluff.

What’s invisible and fluffy?
Pink fluff in a pink room.

What else is invisible and fluffy?
A fart.

How do you fit elephant in the fridge?

1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

How do you fit an giraffe in the fridge?

1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
   

When the lion, the king of the jungle, called a meeting of all the animals, who was the only animal not there?
The giraffe, he was still in the fridge.

So one day God is thinking, and he decides that he really has no idea about what’s happening on earth. So he says to his angels, “I want you to go out and make a list of all the bad things that people are doing on earth. I’ll give you three weeks.” So the angels go out, and three weeks later they come back and say to God, “Look, we’re sorry, but we just didn’t have enough time to make a list of all the bad things people are doing. There’s just too many.”
And so God thinks about that for a little while, and then he says to his angels, “Go out and make a list of all the good things people are doing. I’ll give you three weeks.” So the angels go out, but this time, they’re back in just two days. So God says, “Wow, that was quick.” And the angels reply, “Yeah, it was just so easy. Hardly any people do good things anymore.”
And so God decides to write a letter to everyone who’d done something good. And do you know what that letter said?
You didn’t get one either, huh?

Why couldn’t the cat drink it’s milk?
Cos it had no face.

Why did the plane crash?
The pilot was a loaf of bread.

One day a little boy runs up to his mother saying, “Mummy, mummy, why am I called Leaf?” His mother replies, “Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head.” The next day, his sister runs up. “Mummy, mummy, why am I called Petal?” “Because when you were little, a petal fell on your head.” The day after that, their little brother comes up. “Mmrmmmr, mmrmmmr, fhs dshoho fhfos dfsahoih?”
“Shut up Fridge.”

What did Tarzan say when he saw some elephants?
“Hey look. There are some elephants.”

Why didn’t the banana say anything to the monkey?
Bananas can’t talk.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall?
Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the floor?
Matt.

What do you call a deer with out any eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Are we going to enter into a philosophical discussion about whether the chicken was put onto the Earth solely to cross the road?

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Cos chickens weren't invented

How does the butcher introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.

A woman was pregnant and was involved in a drive by shooting. When she got to the hospital to get it checked they told her that the bullet had split into 3 fragments and one had lodged in each of the 3 children she was carrying. The doctor said it would be alright buy just after their 12th birthday each of them would pee out the fragment. 12 years later the woman is sitting in her dining room and he daughter runs in
"Mummy mummy i just peed out a bullet" she says
"Thats OK dear" The mother replies.
A hour later her next daughter comes in and says the same thing.
A couple of hours later her son come rushing into the room and stops out of breath, The mother says "Did you pee out a bullet too?"
"No I was masturbating and I shot the dog"